BALLS WIN!!! BALLS WIN!!!

Hmmmm..where to begin, where to begin.....this is tough.
OH...I know....MY BALLS WIN!!! Congrats to all for the 20-7 ass-whooping we served up last night. Hopefully all that stress we are all feeling and the angst building will now start to flutter away. Again..well done. I am proud to have you as my balls.
NOW....ON TO THE GOOD STUFF!!!

Quite a bit of stuff happened last night. I am not sure of the best format to use to describe it, so I may do it in a bullet format and just summarize at key points.
But to quickly jump off the subject, should I be able to feel my teeth? Something isn't right here. Anyway...

Key items missed by those that either are a. too lazy to come, b. to lame to tell their girlfriend they want to play kickball or c. going to Summerfest to watch some lame-ass Reo Speedwagon or frickin Love Monkeys or some crap like that
1. The sexual tension between Helfer and Lori was so strong, I think I orgasmed last night just watching them (maybe twice).
2. Beer should not be used as a weapon. The next person(s) I see throwing beer at someone else will have to refund the $270 team fee back to the hole team...or whole. Kelly, how do you spell whole?
3. The next time I hear Lori say, "I just threw up in my mouth", I am going to kill myself.

Perfectly Used Phrase of the Night (and when I mean perfectly used phrase, I am referring to tone, timing, added dance move, etc. etc.):
That don't mean we still can't get naked.

Best Crappy Joke of the Night (provided by Kelly):
Hey Jeremy, did you see the mice running through the bar...cuz these pythons are hungry (arm flex)

Best Dialogue of the Night (I am sure there were many good ones, but this is all I got):
nameless person 1: These breast are 38D
Helfer: BULLSHIT

Well that was fun. Now some visuals for your viewing pleasure (thanks for sending them to yourself at 2AM Kelly):
I take that back, Blogger is not letting me upload pictures at this time...sorry,

Sounds like another close one

Well, the season is over and it sounds like another close game that was in our grasp, but slipped out.
I was informed of one quote from the game that is deserving of a post and must be documented for years to come. That quote came from our fearless Caption (yes, captain is spelled like caption because that is the way it was spelled on our certificates, for those that received one).....now this may not be the exact quote, but hopefully it is close....
"Oh sure, make the fat girl run all the way to first and let the ball go foul!!!"

Following that, our leader got to run to first again and was safe. Way to go Oh Caption, My Caption.

THURSDAY NIGHT LEAGUE STARTING JUNE 22ND!!! LET'S GET IT ON!!!!

I heard an interesting tidbit on the game the other night.....

Again, I am sorry that I missed the game. I heard it was a close one and my balls almost came out victorious. But.....I heard that the best play of the night was a speed demon's attempt to get to first base.
Apparently, and remember I am hearing this through the grapevine so my details may be skewed, this runner took off for first base after a thunderous blow on the pitch. In an effort to make it to first base safely, this person took a bad fall and broke every bone in his/her body. Well, that part may be off, but close enough. I also heard that this person may have hurt his/her ankle pretty badly and has refused to see a doctor. I hope this person is ok, but I really, really, really hope that someone got either a picture or video of the incident and can send it to me.
And just to show that I am compassionate and feel sorry for the person, I am willing to buy one of the products below to help this person make it to first base in the future without injury.
Let me know your choice runner, and I will make it happen:

As the Spring Season comes to an end!!!

As we wind down the spring season, I am reminded of some of the finer points of the season (please note, I am not saying you won't win this Tuesday and next Tuesday....but get real):

1) Steve's head first dive at home
2) Rich Bider........when he was not there
3) Jessica bouncing off of me and collapsing to the ground like a rag doll
4) Kelly and Michelle trying to decide which to put down, their cig or beer.....and still not sure who should get the ball
5) Helfer's gay man bunt
6) Tonya's big black ass
7) Jason's constant hustle and devotion to the pitcher races.....right
8) Sam's athletic prowess.......except for when he is on the field
9) Moriarty forgetting that he was on the team and then convincing Helfer he was on State St drinking.
10) Jeremy cutting his foot in the gay-ist fashion possible....ahhahha...it's raining,
11) Me striking out....not fouling out.....striking out...that was sweet.

So, as we prepare for the upcoming summer season starting on June 22nd, there are 3 key points to remember:

1) We suck!!! Get used to it.
2) We like to drink beer, so drink with us.
3) And for G-d's sake, do not invite Bider.